Children of Asian Parents.
You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.
28th April 2009
29th May 2007
okitaduo @ : 'Ello. Haven't posted here in a while but I found something interesting that was worth posting.
It's about a woman who apparently had been faking that she was a Stanford student up to the point that she was getting people in dorms to leave windows open for her so she could get in (as she did not have a keycard).
Further news articles in the Stanford Daily depict her as joining the ROTC and how she only was discovered after the dorm that she was spending most of her time decided to make a yearbook.
I don't know what sort of pressures (or perhaps delusions) that this girl suffered to want to attempt this endeavor. And truthfully, she just happens to be Asian. There's no correlating evidence that any of the causes that eventually led to this had anything to do with Asian parents.
Yet I can't help wondering how much involved the stereotypical constant urge by Asian parents to do well, to go to that top college, to excel above everyone else.
18th June 2006
kanino @ : will it change with our generation?
Will Asian parenting change in the upcoming generation (especially with Asian Westerners)? Or will we inevitably look upon our Asian upbringing as a model of how we should raise our own children? My Psych teacher told me that when we have children we will often catch ourselves raising them like our parents would raise us (and slap ourselves for it).
7th May 2006
27th March 2006
26th February 2006
heightened @ : I have a dream....
I want nothing more than to drop out of university, get a full time job, and move out (in that order)... but I'm fairly certain my parents would sooner kick me out on my penniless and useless ass.
Of course, I'm very close to flunking out. I sense a major confrontation in the near future.
3rd January 2006
jle @ : The problem with asian parents are...
they think they are infalliable...
they will never compromise...
and lastly they never listen or try to understand that their parenting could use work...
12th December 2005
thepuregoldbaby @ : intro
Hi! I'm new here so I thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Crystal, 17 y/o, I'm Malaysian, my parents still live in Malaysia, but I've been in the UK for the past 6 years. Reading most of the entries in this community has made me slightly less insane, I know now I'm not the only one. I rememeber in April this year, when I was admitted into hospital, my parents couldn't be there, being in Malaysia and all. I was admitted on a Wednesday, and was being kept in to get a gastroscopy test done, which they kept saying was going to happen the next day. Come Sunday I still hadn't gone for it so I rang my mom up to get my cousin who works in the ministry of health, to get me out of the place. She wouldn't. Why? She didn't want to let people know the reason why I was in hospital. I remeber screaming at her for putting the family name first before my well being, because seriously, being in hospital is hell. Why do Asian parents want so much for their children to fulfill what they couldn't? One of the things I remember a former therapist of mine saying was that parents should let their children make their own mistakes. My Grandmother, also Asian, is very very blunt. I live with her here in England, and she makes me cry all the time. She'll have a go at me for asking my mom to come over, she'll call me ugly, she'll call me fat, she'll say my clothes are ugly, she'll say my breasts are saggy, she'll call me lazy, and it goes on and on. I cry less now because I've learnt to block some of it out and I realise it comes with old age and it comes with being Asian. My three biggest fears in life are, infertility, diabetes and growing up to be a very critical person. My parents will only see me as successful if I was a lawyer or a doctor and of course if I went to Oxford University. Just recently I told my grandmother I was thinking about doing International Business with French at Uni (instead of Law). She reported it to my mother, and my golly gosh did I get a lecture. When I think about going back in time, and going to the moment I realised I was going to study in England, I would have only agreed to go if they promised me that they would let me be whatever I wanted to be. I wish I had the courage to do what I wanted to do. My dad told me earlier this year that suffering is worth it, as long as you learn something out of it. And I guess I have. I've learnt the foundation on which I want to build up my family values when I have my own family; my children will know that they can be whatever they wanted to be. How mad can we get at them though? They didn't choose to be the way they are, its just the way they were brought up. Personally, I've come the realisation that its a no win situation.
2nd October 2005
eluneth @ : ...
Probably a long shot, but is anyone here gay/les/bi/trans AND out to their parents? What with the whole Asians-don't-date thing in my family, plus the expectation that all Asian children are perfect and normal (straight AND straight-A's, so to speak), I never even felt that it was relevant to come out to my parents, but out of built-up stress over the ridiculous college application process I found myself writing one of my essays about being bisexual.
I'm beyond being scared any more, but I do wonder how it's going to go over. Ehhhh.
Current Mood: ....
26th September 2005
magnum_opera @ : fucking hilarious
Records of a African-American English teacher in Japan. Oh God, it's hilarious.
24th July 2005
13th July 2005
antaresoul @ : what a way to start of a day huh?
I wake up and 5 mins later...the first thing my father asks me (in chinese of course) "Do you even know English?"
what the fuck was that suppose to mean? Born here, 13 yrs of schooling...writing business letters for you since God knows when and you have the nerve to insult my writing skills!?!?!?!?
my non-English speaking father always always fucking does this....he picks out the littlest of mistakes whenever he can, just to say to he can....
If you want to throw responsibility at me to do something, then trust me to do it, not pick out what you think are mistakes....shut up and let me do it. If not do it yourself.
hyprocrasy that rules first-gen asian households are unbelievable.
i fucking need to get away from here....sadly its summer theres no where for me to go. gotta be strong - is taht what they say.
24th June 2004
__iamcool @ : This community = my new home.
I've been reading through this community, and I have to say that my parents are very similar to yours.
This is an actual conversation that occured 2 days ago (just to show you how asian my parents are). . .
me:..you're not letting me go to vietnam, and i can't go to new york. . So, I'm just gonna sit at home, watch tv, go on the computer, eat, and sleep all day?
dad:no, you won't watch tv. i'm taking away your tv set.
me:WHAT? that was my daily agenda. what do i do now?
dad:i'm going to take you to the library, and you can get books to read.
me: (bluntly said) i'm not reading all day.
mom: that's right. you're going to practice the SAT's.
7th June 2005
dazdandconfusd @ : rebellion
Has anyone here ever just rebelled? Completely done the opposite of everything your parents say -- fail school, drink, do drugs, be promiscuous, etc.?? I think there are a growing number of Asians who are starting to do that.
BTW, I can't believe there's a community for this. There should be like a support group in real life, like the way they have it for alcoholics lol. 12-step program.
7th May 2005
sgrl3o0 @ : An Intro
I wanted to intro myself as I'm new to both this community and livejournal in general. I was born in Guangzhou, China and moved over to the US when I was about 8 years old. I have two sets of asian parents, since both my mom and dad got remarried. It's been a pretty rough time the last 10 years or so having to deal with the coming of age thing and breaking down the social barriers between my folks and I. I'm now 21 years old, about to graduate from Purdue University in another month - starting a job in Chicago at the end of June. I've definitely been through my share of fights. For the longest time, up about 10th grade, I always did what I was told whether it was with curfew, boys, social interactions, or school. The major confrontations that I've had not only relate to dating but dating with men outside of my race (african american men were especially a problem as you can imagine).
I've broken my share of rules and made my own decisions in an attempt to prove her wrong about other people and about myself also. There are some conversations that did not even occur, which of course, relates to sex and issues dealing with sex. I think this is one of the most neglected subjects. I've taken family friends who are also children of asian parents to the doctors and had to find out information for them about several issues. It just seems that despite them caring and loving us so much that there are certain issues they are not willing to confront, even if its for our benefit.
This quiet war has been going on between my Mom and I, specifically, for almost 6 years and at the end of it, I finally feel like we've reached some common ground. I love her more than ever and at this age, some of the things that I use to think was important - like staying out late and having a later curfew, not being able to hang out with friends, etc. doesn't seem so important any more.
I hope that I can be an outlet for some of you, should you need to talk about your relationships with your parents.
Despite everything that my Mom
Current Mood: thoughtful
13th April 2005
ko_hana @ : I am 22 yrs old, still have a curfew (kinda), and I can't date boys
when the rest of my friends could stay out late in high school, i had to come home by ten. right now, i live with my parents in the last year of college due to financial hardship. i've lived in the dorms from freshman year to junior year, living in freedom--a freedom that i have never experienced in my life before. now, living back at home, that freedom has been stripped away. if my parents found out even half the things i did while living in the dorms, they would be appalled. they would be appalled because they're korean. other parents wouldn't care as much. come on now, consider the age!!
when i lived in the dorms.....
-i slept over my friends' houses or dorm rooms (i'm still discouraged from spending the night at a friend's house, i was never really allowed to go over to sleepover parties in grade school up to high school and now)
-i went out of town without adult supervision, although i am adult myself. how ironic. i went up to the bay area, to las vegas, to san diego, all over california.
-on those trips, i went with members of the opposite sex and even shared hotel rooms with them. GASP! my mom would literally pass out (she won't even let me sleep in the same room with my boy cousins!)
-i stayed out until the wee hours of the morning, just hanging out with friends. this wouldn't be possible at home since i am expected to be home around midnight, although i don't really have a set curfew, my parents would be pretty pissed off if i came home at 4am. after 22 years, my parents have finally "loosened up" with how late i cant stay out. they ask me the next morning what time i came home, i tell them, they cringe, give me a disappointed look of shame, and we move on, night after night.
-i could have a boyfriend and hang out with him whenever i wanted to. didn't have to put up with my parents and hear their lame excuses of why i shouldn't date. that i'm too young to date or that i should concentrate on school work and that boys will cause me to fail out of college. if i were to introduce my parents to the boyfriend right now, they'd literally lock me up in the house and take my car away so i couldn't see him since they would know that i would rebel and continue seeing him anyway.
as a 22 year old, i'm sick of it. sometimes i wonder, maybe i'm still too young and need the discipline from my parents. however, i can't help but to see my peers having so much more freedom than me, even other asian kids have a tiny bit more freedom than me! who else has a restrictng life like mine at this age?
9th April 2005
ko_hana @ : Marriage
i am around the marriage age. my parents keep talking to me about who i should marry. they've been doing this since i was in high school. however, it's built up more now since i'm in my 20s. my mom more than my dad is involved with this. she keeps laying down "the rules" about who i should marry. here they are:
1) he has to be korean.
2) he has to be christian.
3) his parents and the rest of his family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) have to be christian.
4) he has to be smarter than me, meaning that he has to have more degrees than me. so, since i'm going for my master's degree, he has to have a ph.d.
5) i have all the children i want before i'm 30 yrs old.
6) i can't be a stay at home mom. i have to be working full time as well as be a full time mom (how the heck does that work?)
7) obviously, he has to look "normal," whatever that means. no tattoos, dress conservatively, etc.
and the list probably goes on. my parents are waiting to tell me more rules probably. i keep telling my parents and all my relatives, "who is the one getting married? are you guys marrying my husband or am i?" but they don't get it. in korean culture, i guess the entire family ends of getting married to my future husband. what happened to the style of marriage in the movies, or at least how white families deal with it? the girl brings her fiance to meet her parents right before the wedding. they are introduced for the first time like at the wedding rehearsal. i want to follow that style! but nope, my parents will be involved from the very beginning unless i keep him as a secret.
5th April 2005
ko_hana @ : Reputation
koreans have this thing with reputation--like keeping the family honor or something like that. parents especially have a need to monitor their kids' behavior so that they don't shame the parents. their kids's actions are a reflection of how the parents raised their kids. my good grades, getting into a prestigious college, and getting a well-paying job are all things that will upkeep a family's reputation. on the other hand, if i marry a non-korean, then i'm pretty much disowned (ok, that may be an exaggeration). if i become a rock star, dye my hair green, move to las vegas, then i'm pretty much shaming my family. the whole notion of "family honor" seems to ancient to me. that's like 15th century style. is reputation that much more important than what a person (i.e. children of Korean parents) wants or what will make a person happy?
Current Mood: irritated
4th April 2005
ko_hana @ : Sibling rivalry/jealousy
why do asian parents favor the first born? in korean culture, the first born is put up on a pedestal, even more if you're a male. i've had to compete for my parents' attention all my life. they were all focused on my older genius sister who had the perfect life, the perfect grades, went to the perfect college, etc. then, there was me. i got average grades, i was more interested in extracurricular activities than academics. and i was actually good at my talents/hobbies! of course, school is the most important thing to asian parents, so my talents in the arts didn't mean anything to them. anyone else out there who is not the first born feel my pain?
9th March 2005
missjeans @ : dealing with the 'rents
i sit there, let them have their field day, and try to pretend that i'm listening to every freaking word they say... but i show my contempt = "why the fck am i doing here?" face
communications patterns are severed, cuz i go out and don't come home 'til late... i just say hi & bye, if i must...
i make it clear that i don't wanna deal with their b.s. cuz it's a waste of my time & there are other things that i can be focussed on instead...
classical conditioning, i call this... currently, i'm not having to deal with the b.s... but we'll just see how long this lasts...
how do you deal with your parents?
24th February 2005
jle @ : Why is it when ever I get motivated to do something, my parents always come up with a way to squash my motivation by going negative?
It seems to be a common trend for asian parents to be very negative, and quick to anger whenever their children can't attain the goals they set out. Punishments are pretty common varying from the feather duster (you know, the chicken feather one) to groundings.
As of late, as a 20 year old I've been trying to do things my way. And when I stumbled, I never ask for help because in the past. I grew up with the fear of whenever I asked for help my parents made me feel stupid or they just yelled at me. So whenever I recieved bad grades, the same thing always happened, and thats when I started to lie and hide things from them. I remember growing up and just wanting one thing, for them to find the cause of my troubles and be understanding, rather then quick to temper and disappointed.
Recently I've fell into a deep hole in my life, and I've been finding motivation to dig my way out, but rather then forget my past transgressions. My mom has decided that I have ruined my life and wasted 20 years of her life also. So whenever I try to open up to her now, she breaks down. And the only father figure I kind of had in my life was my brother who is 10 years my age. He tends to make things even worse, by acting like a father figure. Whenever I come to him, he must dig deep into my past and pull out all the bad things that I've done, which makes my mom even more depressed and my brother even more angry rather then forgetting it all and giving me a blank slate and figuring out an alternative way.
I don't know how common this is for the majority of asian parents, and I don't know the cause of it in mine. I'm just rambling to clear my mind. Sorry...
okitaduo @ : ( Inside is a lengthy rant that is a borderline attempt at self-examination and other things. Read if you're interested.Collapse )
Sorry if it seems rambly but I wrote most of this right after m'mother took away the book that I normally write my thoughts in (because it would detract from the whole test studying experience).
Current Mood: pensive
23rd February 2005
eluneth @ : Asian parent pet peeves
Firstly, hats off to the geniusness that is this community. XD Second all, I'm sure that most of us harbor a great deal of repressed bitterness towards our wonderful hardcore Asian parents... and being particularly bitter tonight, I thought that I'd start off a rant list.
( Asian parent pet peevesCollapse )
Please feel free to add on your own peeves!
13th February 2005
rhia_the_queen @ : Newbie
Hi all. This community seemed kind of small, and the idea of Asian-America united was just too appealing, so I just joined. :) Anywho, I've been reading your posts about your overbearing parents and their unrealistic expectations. My Korean parents aren't like that. In fact, it's quite the opposite. They insist that I get a job I'll like, and I'm the one who wants to endure 17 years of training to be an anesthesiologist. (The pay is obscenely ample) My mom wanted me to quit taking piano lessons, and I had to beg her to allow me to take one more year of it. But there's one Asian habit that I don't really like, and my other Korean friends complain of it also. My parents are shallow--when I was little and a little on the chubby side, they used to berate me and tell me to go on diets. My dad told my friend that she looked like [some Korean word I couldn't understand]. And they always like my prettier friends better than the others. Do anybody else's parents do this???
Current Mood: blah